MUSINGS OF MY SPIRIT AS A PATH WALKER

My writing a blog on my Self-Healing is a meandering journey of my truth experienced in linear time, yet a recounting and processing in spiral time.

Time to me is like a web of timelines, of events and awarenesses, of healing. This includes leaving behind what no longer serves, and thus paradoxically collapsing time.

This journey of Self-Healing, logically has its roots over lifetimes; yet what makes this timeline so unique, is that the world changes to such an important degree, that the boundaries of what is possible is being stretched to the unlimited… Ultimately rendering “the impossible” as a belief system obsolete. The realisation that all this is our own doing however is crucial, we are the creators, the vessels that house sacred living light source : bearer of infinite names.

That process of creation is a very complex, challenging process, with many opportunities of advancement through adversity as well as grace. Through my journey as a “kidney builder” I am finding out just how complex.

I realise that it is possible to forget that my whole body is a challenge for self-healing, not just my kidneys.

My journey of Self-awareness as a Self-healer started with understanding the roll of disease and the death process. I was 30 years old when confronted with the aspect of mortality for the 2nd time, the first time was the loss of an older brother when he was 21 (I was 16 and thought only old people could die while sleeping in their bed). This time I was in hospital (first time in my life) with severe blood and kidney failure, due to Haemolytic Ureic Syndrome (HUS for short, also called raw hamburger disease => e-coli toxin infection, which however was not my case). The diagnosis took two weeks to determine and doctors were split in two camps in disagreement over it, I still don’t know what the other camp thought they where dealing with. The most important aspect of that physically horrendous experience in that “factory of health” was the spiritual awakening triggered by my surrendering to the possibility of death (acute lung infection due to a dialysis catheter badly inserted). It revealed to me an incredible serenity and understanding of “going home”.

From Spirit I was however told I was not going home yet, as there were still things to do down here, at which point life in this incredibly broken body was returned to me and from then on improvements set in.

Coming out of hospital on new year’s eve day, a dialysis patient with severe anaemia, I realised hospitals are great at keeping you alive while experimenting on you, but are not the place that teaches you quality of life, caring for one’s body and or mind/emotional healing.

And so my journey of Self-care began : peritoneal dialysis at home, at night. My state of being was such that I felt like a pregnant, menopausal woman, with no energy to live, yet too much energy to die.

I was at the time automatically put on a transplant waiting list, something which already then made me feel guilty about my failing health.

In the meantime, I decided this could not be all there was to life and started looking into alternative healing therapies.

While in hospital a friend came to massage my feet now and again and a dialysis nurse asked if he knew what he was doing, which he didn’t, he was just being kind. So the nurse introduced me to my reflexologist (I still see her monthly after 30 years), so many angels guide our way.

By the time I met my reflexologist, I was told I should stop dialysing as I had 26% kidney function. Expectation was that this was only a flare-up, if however I maintained kidney function, medical prediction was I couldn’t regain more then 30% kidney function as the HUS had been so prolonged (6 weeks in hospital) and severe (partly due to my hospital treatment), that my kidneys where severely damaged.

During my first appointment with the reflexologist, she told me my kidneys could regain 2/3 of my kidney function if we both worked on this : me by believing it and changing my life style drastically by giving up my career as a product manager in the classical music record business and her seeing me weekly for a while and later monthly. I regained my kidney function as she had predicted (50%=> 2/3 function) within 6 months and maintained this for 17 years. I also started seeing an acupuncturist by the end of that year, between them they brought back quality of life and taught me how to take good care of myself in a way no doctor and also psychologist could ever have done.

Life on 30% kidney function is very noticeable; on 50%, while still requiring care and kindness to one’s body, is very much ok in comparison.

My mother was a person who believed in herbal tea rather the medicine, who practiced and also taught us yoga as children, cooked entirely home made meals every day and was a very sensible woman. So it wasn’t that I wasn’t familiar with healthy living. I very much have always lived as I was taught from the moment I moved out of the parental home. My parents gave me a very important basis to weather the storms that where to come.

My spiritual journey as a starseed with a self-healing mission had started then, not that I was really aware of it in so many words.

LIz