DIS-EASE, A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE, PART ONE.

This is my 7th blog, a number which had sacred messenger significance to me in the first half of my life. I would say mostly during health challenging moments, verging on the threshold of the divide of earth-life or passing over. (This was before any conscious awakening). The “holy number” 7 was programmed in my way of thinking through my early Catholic upbringing, where 7 is considered a holy number. When in hospital battling the raging war of haemolytic ureic syndrome (HUS) for the second time in November/December 1994, I had my maternal grandmother by my side watching over me throughout. I could feel my Oma’s presence and managed to identify her.  I sensed others from spirit too, but they were more “abstract” not known to me in this lifetime, (I remember 3 and much later in life a “three-in-one” identified themselves to me). While in hospital I would reveal my oma’s presence to my mother on the 2 occasions my mother visited me there, she indulged me while being very sceptical. This was painful to me as my mother was the one embracing mediums like Rosemary Brown & talked about my brother’s attendance after his passing. My mother’s way of communicating with the beyond was rather in premonition dreams and instant prayers, while mine was sensing and later “hearing” in thought, as well as on this one occasion playing solitaire to receive answers.  I wasn’t able to telepathically converse with any spirit guides (or with nature like trees) in those days, though a medium I had met a few times in my mid-20s had told me my Oma was always with me and that it was important to learn to connect and telepathically communicate with her.  Something which I found very difficult to practice in the years following.  Many years later Tamara the Russian healer managed to open my awareness up to this and mediated in the beginning until I was more confident.

In old age, my oma was an avid Solitaire card player seeking answers or confirmation of her wishes… When she failed to complete the game she would know the answer was no or not in her favour, not what she wished for. That image of my oma was instilled in me and the most ludicrous thing was that I had brought a pack of playing cards to hospital, while I never played Solitaire in this way, consulting cards.

When preparing to go to hospital sick as I was and extremely anaemic my oma was assisting me to pack my case - I really couldn’t think for myself - like I was going on a journey (spiritual one it turned out) as well as preparing for hospital. From the beyond, she guided me to pack everything necessary including grapefruit, the right music and this pack of cards (I cannot express enough how crazy an action that was for me).  While in hospital the grapefruit was about the only thing I really enjoyed eating and I think helped my liver in crisis, while the music was a balm to my senses and soul, taking me out of my hell of pain and gave me a sense of loving healing energy.  During dialysis it was a distraction from discomfort or pain too difficult to bare. (=> For a few weeks I was put on dialysis in the blood stream for 8 hours every day, that was tough mentally and physically.)

The cards became very important to find out if I was going to make it or not, wether I would survive hospital treatment (being an anonymous cog in a factory).  

A night in intensive care with an acute lung infection due the faulty placement of a dialysis catheter, was my lowest point or my highlight of survival whichever way one chooses to look at such an experience : surrendering to the possibility of death I regained life slowly and painfully. After 4 weeks, of my 6 week hospitalisation, the cards became my oracle, was I going to be allowed to be home for Xmas, which was a NO as I didn’t finish the card game no matter how many times I tried. Then the next week : was I going to be able to go home on New Year’s Eve ? Doctors didn’t commit to an answer, yet the moment I Iaid my cards down so many sevens came up I had a total certainty at that moment I was going home, that I would finish the game and receive a yes confirmation, which I did. I went home on December 31st 1994, looking like a Biafra child, skin and bones with very dark circles under my eyes (=> sign of kidney depletion with adrenal exhaustion), yet very happy to get out of there to our home and our own bed.

This to illustrate  of how 7 used to be a significant symbol to me. (In Dutch, Solitaire is called ‘7 cards’).  After that ordeal, I lost track of the cards and symbolic no. 7 was replaced by a wider exposure to numbers and symbolism when the year after my first Chinese acupuncture therapist introduced me to a form of numerology linked with life path (this was full on New Age).

(It is poignant that I am revisiting this in a personal 7 year (I am 61=> 6+1) the room assigned to me in the dialysis centre is no. 7…). Clearly kidneys and 7 have a strong connection in my case and now that I finally decided it is time for the big review focusing on my kidney medical history starting with this 7th blog.

In ES Natural Law 7 is the LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT :

A few interesting entries from which I quote :

“Law of Cause and Effect. There is a Consequence to every thought, behavior or action that is generated that will bear influence and impact to the individual thought, as well as the collective field of accumulated thoughts on the planet (and beyond).”

And also,

“There is no such thing as randomness, chance or luck, as there is a cause for every effect, and an effect for every cause. The empowering point of aligning to this principle is to make the conscious choice to rise above the negative or limiting thoughtforms of the masses, and choose to become your own cause in reality, not just the effect of others and the situations that you find yourself in. This important distinction gives one the ability to rise above the archetypal roles of Victim-Victimizer or Master-Slave”

(For more ES insights on the 7th principle of natural law see :

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Law_of_Cause_and_Effect

Or

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Universal_Laws ).

These quotes reflect exactly the life lesson I learned at the age of 31, in this case the denial of my own mortality at any age. 15 years earlier, my brother died in his own bed of an epileptic fit aged 21. This was the first close encounter with death in my immediate family.  It was a tremendous shock to my 16 year old self that such a young and robust man could die while sleeping.  His epilepsy was only diagnosed after death by means of an autopsy ! This diagnosis was a very important element to understand how such a thing was possible to my young innocent sheltered mind (cause : disease ignored by my brother, effect : death). 

Still, at the age of 31 I wasn’t ready to face my own mortality and this first university hospital experience was a hard lesson in how we are the keepers of our fate including that of our bodies. My vigilance over any treatment I was given became very acute as I became aware of the many mistakes the “professionals” around me made.  How they inevitably go by trial and error mostly.  The most knowledgeable where the experienced and dedicated nursing staff, for whom I had a special affection.

The near death experience I had the one night in intensive care taught me about the mortality of the body at any age as well as the eternal life of spirit. When entering that medical factory I was in total denial of how sick I was and how this was to be a lesson in survival.  But also looking back how cause and effect was played out on more then one level. The moment I accepted mortality while in intensive care, I got the message that it wasn’t my time yet as I still had lots to accomplish during this time on earth.  I had not “earned” the release from my wrecked body, wasn’t going home yet…. And so I had to practice with Herculean effort to breathe and stay alive, thus making my choice, life was given back to me and progress set in.

That particular journey through dis-ease was on the one hand a massive onslaught on my body and my person, my physical pain threshold severely tested; on the other hand it was a very beautiful process of awareness and what it means to feel one’s spirit and soul presence: those moments when the heart rules the head and one becomes slowly aware of the bigger picture of one’s Self.

While my heart would feel such compassion for loved ones when I saw how my fate distressed them or caused pain and concern for me, it was easier to bare my own pain as opposed to the compassion I felt for their pain, my instinctive reaction was to comfort them. 

Besides this, throughout my hospitalisation I automatically became a sort of Oracle of speaking true.  Whoever came to visit would receive some kind of meaningful message straight out of my mouth, I never knew what I was going to say and I couldn’t stop myself from saying it.  After I would automatically look over my right shoulder looking for confirmation from my spirit guides if I had expressed correctly & all there was to say.  

To my ego-mind however that felt very unsafe, I would worry about repercussions of none acceptance or of revealing too much of my inner processing.

Interacting with visitors I didn’t want to see while in hospital would cost a lot of energy and so was not conducive to my survival.  I told my partner to tell people not to come without asking through him first and to most I suggested to write to me and I would answer whenever possible (which painstakingly I did for some).  

Some distressing examples that I can recall : 

The day after my night in intensive care my boss turned up unannounced.  He thought that was ok, like a good gesture.  A person I didn’t want to have to interact with while in hospital and certainly not at that moment. The first thing he said to me was, “oh but you look great, I was told you where in intensive care last night” he clearly was expecting to find someone on their deathbed.  He meant it well and it was a genuine reaction of course, while it struck me as such a ridiculous thing to say to me as I didn’t feel “great”.  I felt invaded in my space energetically by him and really disturbed by it.  What my heart told him was the truth about unthinking arrogance when healthy (which I had often experienced with him) and coming to one’s Self when sick in all humility.  It gave him a moments pause to my astonishment.   

The other is when my oldest brother (then 37 years old) visited, for the first time in my life I told him in no uncertain terms, yet gentle enough, it was time to grow up, which again was accepted as truth to my amazement.  These kind of confrontations where not something I would ever have engaged in before.  And of course served just as much as a mirror held up to myself.

In the days after the night in intensive care I was approached in a totally different way : by extraterrestrials.  

It was evening and I had been moved to a private room because of my precarious state of health.  No curtains were drawn and it was wintertime with short days.  I had just survived the lowest point yet had come to the realisation that death is a release and an opportunity to “go home”, which had put me in a blissful state of serenity, confidence and certainty in and of my inner being.  I was no longer afraid of dying, and in a way would have preferred it over my pitiful state of being.  This certainty of my inner being was immediately to be tested.  

Now and again a helicopter could be faintly heard through the big triple glazed windows as the helipad was on the roof of the hospital building not far from my room.  And they sometimes would be visible when hovering in the air before landing.  This time however a bright light that appeared out of nowhere would shine in the night sky and hang stationary at the level of my window in total eerie silence.  Logically, in the first moments I was expecting this to be a helicopter, then I quickly realised this could not be, the way it had appeared instantly and silently and hung dead still and soundlessly in the sky.  I could sense their otherworldliness somehow and knew instantly, physically weak as I was, I had to pay great attention.  Somehow even if you have never seen them before, you know.  I was never much into ET’s, yet have always accepted that ET life exists.  I was at first totally amazed that this wasn’t noticed by anyone else, somehow I expected this to create a big commotion in the rooms around me, but this was a visit that targeted me only.  Strangely, I felt the total inattention elsewhere on my floor.  The other thing I was thinking foolishly is they can’t come in through the window, which of course they can, that is if you give consent.  It’s allowing or not that counts.  The moment I sensed this danger with my whole body, and I think there was a telepathic communication of a kind, I with all my willpower refused to be either visited or taken.   They were enticing me offering an opportunity of healing I think, but intrigued as I was by all this, I did not give consent and felt the magnitude of my own power of refusal.  

They then suddenly disappeared in a flash, which confirmed once and for all, no way was this a helicopter or the “invitation” all in my imagination.

Even if they would have been benign, which I will never truly know, I somehow sensed that instant healing was not the purpose of my healing journey.

That feeling of deep serenity within was such a magnificent gift which totally weighed up against all the physical suffering I went through.  I remember in a phone conversation from hospital telling my middle brother I understood the story of Job though I could not explain to him in words how and why nor what it meant, I just knew.  Just as I also understood how unimportant dealings in the world really where, that life wasn’t about that, but about life lessons while we are here on earth.  That serenity of separation, of being ín the world but not óf it.  When coming slowly back to daily life in a broken body however and the challenges I faced because of it, a great longing remained with me for years, to regain that deep feeling of serenity and oneness with Self.

And so, my health became linked to kidney failure in the 90s, my spiritual journey to self healing started. In a way it was a long journey that included gifts like finding my place in communities like this one and Susan Oros‘s Patreon group. 

In the first half of my life, I certainly had friendships in which I “practiced” the quenching of my thirst for spiritual understanding and knowledge, away from institutionalised religion and it’s rules & regulations. But it was only a precursor to what could be when consciously seeking communication with likeminded souls.

And so, the slow awakening of my understanding that health and living spirituality were to be one and the same for me in this life came in my 30s and ever increasing during my 40s and 50s. 

Over time Sabine became and still is a crucial sparring partner and fellow traveler in all matters spiritual and its place in my daily life.

After a tremendous journey of recovery and healing maintaining over 50% kidney function for a good 15 years, I remained on hypertension medication. During those 15 years however I successfully cut 2 hypertension medications down to 1 + cut out the diuretic I was given to make those blood pressure meds more efficient… this because I found out the high risk of becoming diabetic on those particular combination drugs.  My doctor was very upset, but when I said I was not willing to risk diabetes and did he think I should go back on the meds, he reluctantly said no. 

I did (and this still do) a lot with organic loose leaved herbal tea mixtures of my own intuitive devising, diet, yoga type exercises, healing with the various professional therapists I mentioned in previous blogs, to reduce medication. From the age of 30, healthy living has always been my passion and drive, because it means less pills and better quality of life.

I set myself the goal to regain full health and one of the steps was to solve the hypertension problem.  I was at the peak of my energetic abilities when I embarked on a very particular journey to self heal sometime in the early 2000s.  Tamara was still in my life albeit from the beyond and she was guiding me. While still on earth, one thing Tamara always claimed was the hypertension medication wasn’t necessary, that my hypertension wasn’t caused by the damaged kidneys or not mainly, like the medics claimed, but to do with thyroid as well as something to do with my liver in connection with cholesterol.

The Self healing was a very trying journey back through diseases not fully sickened out or cleared from my body including those from childhood (mumps, tonsillitis, thyroid dysfunction), as well as the acute lung infection from hospital etc…

This consisted mainly of light language movements with especially arms but also the whole body, plus tapping and bringing up and pulling out what was reactivated from the various disease remnants.  Some was very physical like releasing the coughing up very old phlegm from the lungs and spitting it out which for me was very difficult as it made me gag each time.

This healing journey was a very trying time of endurance, literally not being able to sleep lying down because of the very high hypertension and spending weeks not sleeping more then an hour or two here and there in a siting position.  It was summertime and we had planned a holiday in Brittany France by car from London (UK) we had beautiful weather and where visiting lovely places, but for me this was hell as I wasn’t telling my partner the whole story of what was going on.  He had known Tamara and found her very unique and true person, but for her to still be working on me from beyond the grave and putting me in the state I was in was a step too far to comprehend… 

Yet for example, when I announced to him that in a few day I would be dealing with thyroid and so my eyelids would swell up which it did as predicted, there wasn’t much he could say.  

Many years later after the kidney transplant it became clear the priority of this active self-healing journey was not about healing hypertension and kidneys, but preparation for the transplant in 2009, without that clearing out and thus preparation of the body, the transplant would not have been as successful as it has been. (After transplant the immune system is suppressed in order not to reject the transplanted organ and all Remnants of diseases, not fully solved in the body, would have flared up and caused innumerable problems. Tamara however couldn’t reveal this to me until years later after transplant). 

I didn’t manage the elimination of hypertension medication and my kidneys suffered from the elevated hypertension. My medication was no longer efficient after I had cut these out for several weeks…. Tamara had held my heart throughout so nothing would go seriously wrong, but not the kidneys, as the goal was to have a transplant without my understanding this at the time or knowing.

What followed was a break in my relationship with Tamara for a number of years, she no longer had my trust as I felt let down and very disappointed at my failing to come out of this fully healed.  The self healing lasted from June until September and the end result was a weakened state of failing kidneys and hypertension for which my medication was no longer efficient.

In the meantime I had already married my longtime partner, because we had moved to London in the UK for my husbands work.

I decided to look for an new Chinese doctor acupuncturist in London  and I found Julie Ji a doctor very unique in her profession her skills and knowledge are very high level matched by her dedication and open mindedness.  She comes from a long line of prominent medical professionals in mainland China.  Her family history is fascinating, surviving both cultural and counter cultural revolutions, her mother was forcibly separated from her husband, parents and one child (a baby daughter she had to leave with her parents).  Julie’s father a prominent physicist was also banned to a totally different part of China far way and incarcerated in a reeducation camp for 7 years.  Julie was a young child and went with her mother, a surgeon, who was sent into exile in deep rural China where she practiced medicine with very rudimentary tools in a mud hut, and was taught the value of natural herbal medicine and acupuncture treatments versus modern medicine and surgery during her years in exile.  Julie learned from her mother and later on from her mother’s medical colleagues all there was to know about both modern and traditional Chinese medicine,  including surgery. This was along side her official university studies of economics.  In China you are only granted one official study, so her medical degree could not be officially obtained there, yet she is a fully fledged medical doctor in Chinese and western medicine. 

What followed  for me was a very intense and dedicated time of almost daily treatments and recovery.  Because of her dedication and my discipline we postponed the need for transplant by 3 to 4 years while improving my quality of life again.

Here I want to take a moment in my narrative and put the spotlight on the kidneys, these organs in our bodies that play a Major physical role, not just filtering our blood from the excess that doesn’t belong including balancing the main salts Potassium/sodium and by means of this process our water levels in the body. The kidneys also take care of what cannot be measured under a microscope, the harnessing as well as “distribution” of our life-force throughout the body. Together with the liver and the spleen, the kidneys are major detoxifiers and guardians of Qi.

On Lisa Renee’s public platform I learned a lot about the latter and the reason why kidney organ trafficking is so detrimental, to both (often unwilling) donor and receiver of organ transplant.

I feel called to insert the following quotes, so the reader understands the importance the kidneys to our body :

“Kidneys are Grounding Organs for Life Force Energy

The Kidneys are directly impacted by the shifting sands of the root Grounding Mechanism,* as this shifts the balance of polarity, it is changing the prana or chi delivery system into the body, as the 1D architecture is dissolving in the planetary body. The inability of the body to rapidly adapt to being uprooted, poor Discernment of life altering events, heart shocks, along with the toxic overload of chemicals and negative fear based emotions dumped upon the human population, have produced an epidemic of kidney disease. The Kidneys are particularly effected through sympathetic resonances made by changes in 1D Grounding Mechanism and shifts in chi distribution, along with mental and emotional stress, a poor diet inundated with artificial chemicals and the fear based artificial technology assaults.” (Last revised info on 6th June 2022, see link for more info on kidneys : https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Kidneys ).

As my kidney failure was due to HUS => a syndrome in the blood causing irreparable kidney damage and thus failure, the above resonates very strongly with my particular medical history.

(If you know nothing about kidneys and would like to understand more of their anatomy and function I highly recommend to read more info in that AG link of ES, it explains it simply & very clearly.)

For anyone who is willing to go down the rabbit hole of organ transplant as well as the trafficking thereof I recommend the following ES newsletter on her public platform from February 2018 entitled Bio-Spiritual Harvesting. 

That newsletter was a very revelatory insight in our human spiritual body as well as the universal human body and what that entails.

From it I quote the following to explain why we should not practice organ transplants the way it is practiced today, as the most important aspect of our soul being-ness is violated for donor as well as receiver of a organ transplant :

“Every human being has a unique combination of spiritual forces and physical forces that make up the entire constitution of that person, and this information is enmeshed within their cellular material, it is recorded in every part of their body. The physical tissues are imbued with the intelligence of the soul that has spiritual imprints that are unique to that individual.  If you cut out an organ and transplant that tissue into another body, the soul and spiritual imprints carried in the transplanted tissues are now enmeshed in the body of another unique individual soul.

The physical and spiritual layers of the donor and the transplant recipient are now forever entwined in all of the energetic consequences of the actions that have happened behind the event, and within all people involved.”

Following up on this Lisa Renee also states :

“Every organ has a counterpart organ in which it seeks balance, and in healthy functioning bodies, the parts communicate with each other. Transplanted organs do not have the same birth imprints or unique DNA messaging of the recipient, which can wreak havoc in the internal circuitry of the body, making them even more dependent on the medical system and taking drugs.”

There is so much more to that newsletter that is worth the read, even though for any person in my situation also very challenging, still I consider it crucial to understanding the bigger picture…

https://energeticsynthesis.com/resource-tools/3274-bio-spiritual-harvesting

Baring in mind that Tamara told me in 2009 my higher Self destined agreement was to undergo this transplant as I had a role to play in the exposure of how the medical industry was veering way way off the path of healing and this fast evolving direction needed to be altered in its course, at the time I didn’t know to what extent this insight is important.

(If I would have had access in 2009 to the ES information, I probably would not have undergone the transplant, even with my then husband…).  I do have to add that I tried with the knowledge I did have at the time, to give this the highest chances of success for both my husband and me :

Julie Ji, who was very much against this transplant, came over to the Netherlands where I did the transplant, to attend the surgery of both my husband and me.  During my operation she was allowed to practice acupuncture during surgery to stimulate the transplanted kidney into instant action and to determine it’s capacity.  The intrigue and fascination by students and surgeons when she did her bit was great.  They also witnessed what acupuncture can do.

If anything, undergoing this transplant bought me 12,5 years of time in which I postponed dialysis, thus assuring time for the world to change (and me to obtain knowledge) to such a degree that I could set myself the goal of growing a new kidney.

What is to follow has been at least as challenging, and so the narrative of a spiritual journey through kidney dis-ease continues in my next blog for those of us for whom this can serve besides myself.